All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
