Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
