i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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