for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
