Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
