remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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