and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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