It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
