just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
