I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
