I can't watch pbs sober anymore
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
