so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
