we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
