Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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