We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
