Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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