i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
