Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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