He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
