sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
