Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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