i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
