No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
