He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
