I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
