she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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