First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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