i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
