He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
