Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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