so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
love makes seman taste better
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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