Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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