Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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