yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
