omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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