How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
