It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
