the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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