I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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