can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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