you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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