I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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