kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
