Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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