White coat. Heels.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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