I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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