the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
