tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His nipple licking is glorious
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