Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
