I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So much rum. So many feels.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm always down for nudity.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
