Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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