It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
