pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
